In day-to-day work, conflicts can arise between colleagues at any time. Sometimes friction is almost inevitable: The pressure is high, different temperaments and opinions collide in the team – and then there’s a bang. However, it becomes problematic when a dispute escalates and verbal gaffes occur. Or if a difference of opinion develops into a permanently difficult employment relationship. So that it doesn’t get that far in the first place, we have a few tips for you on how to resolve conflicts in the team.
6 tips on how to deal with conflict confidently
The reasons for a conflict are usually complex. They depend on the situation, are difficult to categorize and there is usually not just one correct solution. But a few general approaches will help you confidently deal with conflicts and disagreements and resolve them constructively.
1. Don’t avoid conflict
Conflicts are like tooth decay, don’t wait for them to go away on their own. Because they don’t. It doesn’t help to withdraw when you’re involved in a conflict with a colleague. Even if you feel that you are not to blame for the arguments. Silence and choking down only waste valuable time and emotional energy. Instead, try to get to the bottom of the cause of the conflict as early as possible and have a clarifying conversation.
Nor will you solve the problem if you want to assert your opinion regardless of the consequences – possibly even loudly. If no mutually satisfactory solution is found, the conflict will always recur in one way or another.
2. Use conflict for change
Sometimes arguing is helpful and necessary because it leads to positive changes in the end. With this assumption in mind, the first step is to deal with the conflict constructively. This means you need to think about a change or compromise.
Pull yourself together and take a quiet moment to suggest to your co-worker how you can resolve the dispute. Sometimes it may seem to you as if all steps are taken by you and only you put your head down. But that does not mean that you are the weaker party – on the contrary! Show your strength and actively tackle the problem. Because if neither party gives in, you will end up having to deal with conflicts that drag on for years and may eventually become impossible to resolve.
3. Be careful what you say and don’t say
You can not communicate! This famous sentence by Paul Watzlawick is particularly applicable in the office. Conflicts are often triggered by words or actions. But very often also through things that are not said or done. Mostly even without the polluter being aware of it. Examples of this are broken promises or not including a colleague in a decision. There are many types of conflict, but most ultimately stem from communication problems. How something is communicated or not communicated affects all work processes! It is worth consciously working on better communication to practice sustainable conflict management.
4. Don’t take it personally, but be honest with yourself
Try not to take conflict personally. Sometimes completely different personalities meet in the job or you don’t like each other – both factors are not your fault and you can only influence them to a limited extent. It is often due to unsuccessful communication anyway when a dispute arises. And differences of opinion are simply inevitable when working with teammates. But once you realize that the cause of the conflict is within yourself, then you should be able to honestly admit it to yourself and your co-workers. In this way, the conflict will resolve itself, because your counterpart can approach you again.
Also read : How to improve your communication(language) style?
5. How to deal with long-term conflicts
Conflicts that have been going on for a long time are usually the ones that have not yet been addressed. In such situations, the opponents simply avoid each other, the situation is deadlocked and nobody wants to take the first step anymore. Therefore, resolving such a conflict often requires more time and effort.
Don’t try to overwhelm the person you’re having a difficult relationship with a short conflict talk. It will not work. You should take things slowly and calmly, preferably at a time when neither party is under a lot of pressure at work. You can also let the person know in advance that you would like to talk to them. Make an appointment and prepare carefully for the pronunciation. If you observe the communication rules (see checklist), you will certainly be able to put your working relationship on a new footing.
6. If nothing works: Involve outsiders
If it’s a conflict that makes no sense to you and you’ve tried everything, consider confiding in someone who isn’t involved. In the event of conflicts between companies and trade unions, for example, special mediators are consulted. This can also be useful on a smaller scale in the event of inconsistencies between colleagues and conflicts in the team.
Include an understanding manager or someone from HR, as they can suggest solutions that are satisfactory to both parties because they are not emotionally involved in the matter. That alone can improve the situation and make your work life easier, even if you have to keep working with someone you don’t quite connect with.
Pro Tip: Checklist for a better culture of debate
Any conflict discussion should be conducted in a polite tone and on a rational level, focusing on the situation and the facts themselves, and not involving personal attacks. Be assertive, but avoid speaking down or becoming aggressive. After all, you want to understand and resolve the conflict, not “win”.
You should follow these basic rules:
- First of all, listen carefully to what your counterpart is saying. Give him enough time to say everything. When it’s done, it’s your turn to respond.
- Don’t immediately start your counter-argument on every point . It is better to ask questions to get to know and understand the other person’s point of view.
- The communication classic: formulate I-messages! Instead of “You just passed me by,” say, “I felt bad because I felt like you were passing me by”! In this way you appeal to the empathy of your counterpart and make your attitude clear to him without attacking him head-on.
- Always stay calm and composed in conflict situations – even if your colleague teases you or you feel emotionally attacked. You show your sovereignty when you simply ignore such things. And even if some things are on the tip of your tongue: irony and sarcasm are bad companions in a constructive conversation.
- Avoid generalizations. Words like “never” and “always”, “completely” and “totally” are tricky. There is not only black or white, and it is precisely the nuances that lead you to a compromise.
If you follow these tips, it should be easy for you to have a clarifying conversation. You will see that conflicts with colleagues can be resolved through openness and goodwill – and bring everyone involved a big step forward!
Also read : How to work in a team?